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| Toasting 25 years of wisdom (yeah right!) at Kingswood |
Twenty-five. The big 2-5. Quarter. Life. Crisis. Any Sex and the City devotee likely recalls the episode where Carrie goes to an Italian restaurant to celebrate her 35th birthday (or maybe it was 34th?) and none of her friends show up. And if the situation wasn’t dire enough – the girl next to her loudly proclaims: “25 – f#&% I’m old”. Ouch. Well today I’m 25, and for some reason, that’s all I seem to want to say right now. Now I know 25 isn’t actually old, especially in today’s world where the notion of age is constantly being redefined. I need not look any further than my 82 year-old grandfather who walks at such a brisk pace, few 25 year-olds (cough, cough) can keep up. Besides, with age comes wisdom, and just like I did last year, I want to share some of what I’ve learned over the last year with you. Having lived in New York City since January, this past year has been quite the whirlwind; I’ve often found myself exclaiming: “I feel like I’ve lived 10 years in the last year”. I’ve always had a flair for the dramatic, but needless to say – I’ve got lots to share, so let’s get on with it.
1) Two words: emerging adulthood. Yup, that’s the name developmental psychologist Jeffrey Arnett calls the period between ages 18-29 — a period his research shows ought to be recognized as a distinct developmental stage that occurs between adolescence and full-on adulthood. His theory is supported by findings that the area of our brain in charge of planning, prioritizing and controlling impulses isn’t entirely developed until our late twenties. Jackpot. I’ve been reading a lot about Arnett and similar research, most recently in the November issue of ELLE, and I couldn’t agree more. Neither Arnett nor I am saying we should put off growing up and decision making, but given the changing society twenty-somethings live in today (globalization, changes in corporate culture, delaying marriage and having children), there’s nothing wrong with taking this time to explore various lifestyles, career/education paths and relationships. It’s nice to know that science supports — even encourages us to make mistakes and figure things out during these formative years, which is why why we shouldn’t get down on ourselves when we have to stop, re-think and reboot. Can you hear that? It was a sigh of relief.
2) We are all works in progress. Harking back somewhat to my first point, I’m slowly learning results don’t come overnight — they hardly ever come over lots and lots of nights
— sometimes even years. I’m someone who want to see the fruits of my labors very quickly; I start working out more, well I want to see some definition within weeks, or I start dating and I get discouraged when I don’t meet the man of my dreams on the third try. Well, I’m slowly learning life just doesn’t work that way — it really is a constant fight. When all we think about are results, what we’re really doing is setting ourselves up for disappointment. On the other hand, if we tell ourselves that we’re a constant work in progress and that it’s okay to lose track of our goals, or that we might not get what we want when we want it, we’ll be able to enjoy the journey. The important thing is to keep trying and to not waste time chastising yourself if you fall off the horse, but rather get back on it and charge ahead.
2) We are all works in progress. Harking back somewhat to my first point, I’m slowly learning results don’t come overnight — they hardly ever come over lots and lots of nights
— sometimes even years. I’m someone who want to see the fruits of my labors very quickly; I start working out more, well I want to see some definition within weeks, or I start dating and I get discouraged when I don’t meet the man of my dreams on the third try. Well, I’m slowly learning life just doesn’t work that way — it really is a constant fight. When all we think about are results, what we’re really doing is setting ourselves up for disappointment. On the other hand, if we tell ourselves that we’re a constant work in progress and that it’s okay to lose track of our goals, or that we might not get what we want when we want it, we’ll be able to enjoy the journey. The important thing is to keep trying and to not waste time chastising yourself if you fall off the horse, but rather get back on it and charge ahead.
3) Never under-estimate the importance of looking put together. I’m not referring to having your hair blown-out daily — I’m a weekday bun-wearer myself, however, you always feel better and have a happier, more productive day when you take that extra step. That means wearing a touch of makeup, a little jewelry and some nice shoes. Oh, and for gods-sake NO Lululemon’s unless you just worked out or are planning on doing so within 2.5 hours, are nursing an abominable hangover, or if there’s a hurricane approaching. And don’t even get me started on leggings as pants.
4) You can’t please everyone, so just stop trying. Stop it. Now. I’m the epitome of a people-pleaser, and let me tell you — it’s exhausting. I mean I have lost sleep worrying about whether I had hurt someone’s feelings, someone who wasn’t even a good friend, only to later learn they had no recollection of the conversation. My mom has always said: “you’re not a $10 bill — not everyone will like you”. Wise words spoken by an even wiser woman. Between dating, working in different offices and socializing, I find myself interacting with an increasing number of people, and I know if I continue over-analyzing whether my words and/or actions might’ve negatively affected someone, or worse — their view of me — I’ll look 50 by the time I hit 30. Now there’s food for thought.
5) When a guy tells you he’s bad at relationships, isn’t a good communicator and doesn’t know what he wants in his life despite being in his thirties — run. Fast. Never look back. I know I’m regurgitating words from a previous post about dating, but it’s something I had to learn the hard way this year, so if I can spare you a lil pain — than all the better. In fact, I’m considering putting these words on T-shirts. Thoughts?
6) Be flexible. I’m not talking about the yoga-kind of flexibility, even though I think it does wonders for the mind and body, but rather being flexible in life. I’ve never been good at either, but as I get older (gaaaaa), I realize the importance of being able to go with the flow and the need to shake things up from time to time. I’m a stickler for routine, but some of the greatest nights of the past year took place when I abandoned my “plan” and did something unexpected, or that I didn’t necessarily want to do.
7) Read. Books, newspapers, magazines, blogs — the more the merrier. Reading is exercise for our brains and it’s never too early to start thinking about ways we can stave off the horrible disease that is Alzheimer’s. What’s more, reading makes us smarter, more well-rounded humans — yuppie! It’s also the best way to become a stronger writer and a better conversationalist, plus, it’s enjoyable and a great way to unwind. I always start my day by reading a couple articles from the New York Times and New York Magazine, while ensuring to check my style blogs (duh). Below are some books I’ve read and liked recently:
– This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper
– The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides
– The Starboard Sea by Amber Dermont
– Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
8) Dating isn’t easy. Throw that notion out the window and enter the dating world helmut in hand because there will be bumps and you will sustain bruises along the way. I promise though, it will be fun too. Another bit of wisdom: go into every date open-minded. To quote my mother: “you may not like him but you might just like his friend…” Life is full of surprises and you literally never know who’s waiting around the corner which is why I think it’s important to get out there and date — as daunting and painful as it might be. After all, it’s kind of hard to win the lottery if you never bought a ticket in the first place.
9) Throw out the dating rules. When I first forayed into the Manhattan dating world, I was so focused on how things “ought” to be according to some arbitrary “rules” that were ingrained in my head, that I spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over whether I had done something “wrong”. With time and a little experience, I’ve come to believe that rules are stupid, and that when it’s “right”, no one’s going to care who made the first move or who over-shared on the first-date. If you want to call him — do it! If you’re scared, then maybe that’s all the more reason to do it. I didn’t always think this way, but I’m learnin’.
10) Listen to your body. Just because your friend can workout six days a week and feel perfectly fine, doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Take cues from your body because it’s always communicating with you. I said this back when I was a young lass at 24: our health is the most important thing we’ve got in this world, so we have to take care of our bodies and our minds. If something doesn’t feel right, stop. There’s nothing wrong with trying again, but take it easy. And always remember to inhale and exhale. I tend to forget so I figured I’d remind y’all.
And one more for good luck: Don’t knock online dating until you’ve tried it. All you skeptics out there need to step into 2012 and realize it’s not your mama’s dating world anymore. Trust me on this one. Just give it a try. Just one — or two, or three. I’ll shut up now.
Happy Birthday Me!
xoxox
Val
6) Be flexible. I’m not talking about the yoga-kind of flexibility, even though I think it does wonders for the mind and body, but rather being flexible in life. I’ve never been good at either, but as I get older (gaaaaa), I realize the importance of being able to go with the flow and the need to shake things up from time to time. I’m a stickler for routine, but some of the greatest nights of the past year took place when I abandoned my “plan” and did something unexpected, or that I didn’t necessarily want to do.
7) Read. Books, newspapers, magazines, blogs — the more the merrier. Reading is exercise for our brains and it’s never too early to start thinking about ways we can stave off the horrible disease that is Alzheimer’s. What’s more, reading makes us smarter, more well-rounded humans — yuppie! It’s also the best way to become a stronger writer and a better conversationalist, plus, it’s enjoyable and a great way to unwind. I always start my day by reading a couple articles from the New York Times and New York Magazine, while ensuring to check my style blogs (duh). Below are some books I’ve read and liked recently:
– This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper
– The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides
– The Starboard Sea by Amber Dermont
– Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
8) Dating isn’t easy. Throw that notion out the window and enter the dating world helmut in hand because there will be bumps and you will sustain bruises along the way. I promise though, it will be fun too. Another bit of wisdom: go into every date open-minded. To quote my mother: “you may not like him but you might just like his friend…” Life is full of surprises and you literally never know who’s waiting around the corner which is why I think it’s important to get out there and date — as daunting and painful as it might be. After all, it’s kind of hard to win the lottery if you never bought a ticket in the first place.
9) Throw out the dating rules. When I first forayed into the Manhattan dating world, I was so focused on how things “ought” to be according to some arbitrary “rules” that were ingrained in my head, that I spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over whether I had done something “wrong”. With time and a little experience, I’ve come to believe that rules are stupid, and that when it’s “right”, no one’s going to care who made the first move or who over-shared on the first-date. If you want to call him — do it! If you’re scared, then maybe that’s all the more reason to do it. I didn’t always think this way, but I’m learnin’.
10) Listen to your body. Just because your friend can workout six days a week and feel perfectly fine, doesn’t mean it’s right for you. Take cues from your body because it’s always communicating with you. I said this back when I was a young lass at 24: our health is the most important thing we’ve got in this world, so we have to take care of our bodies and our minds. If something doesn’t feel right, stop. There’s nothing wrong with trying again, but take it easy. And always remember to inhale and exhale. I tend to forget so I figured I’d remind y’all.
And one more for good luck: Don’t knock online dating until you’ve tried it. All you skeptics out there need to step into 2012 and realize it’s not your mama’s dating world anymore. Trust me on this one. Just give it a try. Just one — or two, or three. I’ll shut up now.
Happy Birthday Me!
xoxox
Val
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| What better time to try a bold lip than on my birthday? Nars Lip Lacquer in Hot Wired Kisses to y’all! |
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