Our little Levi is four months old! I wish I could say these months have flown by but then I’d be lying to you guys and that would defeat the purpose of this blog. The truth is being a mom is tough. It’s hard work and right now it’s my full-time job. And Levi is actually an easy baby! He’s always smiling and is happy to chill in his baby swing or stroller, or lay on his play mat. He is absolutely delicious and makes me smile whenever I’m with him.

The hard part right now really has to do with his sleep or lack thereof. At 17 weeks he’s still waking up twice most nights to eat, which is considered normal for his age and wouldn’t even be so bad IF he actually napped during the day! Since about nine weeks his napping has gotten worse and worse. I have read Dr. Weissbluth’s book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and have spoken with two sleep consultants who both told me I could start nap training at 16 weeks because that’s when biological rhythms for naps emerge (I’ll discuss night sleep training in another post). This means babies are biologically programmed to sleep at certain times and be awake at other times. More specifically, nap training involves putting your baby down in his crib (drowsy but awake) after a consistent soothing routine and leaving them in their bed for one hour regardless if they’re sleeping or not. The idea is to teach them to fall asleep on their own and fall back asleep when they wake between sleep cycles.

I’m only one week in and already I feel drained from all the crying. I know I’m doing the right thing but hearing him cry for long periods of time everyday takes its toll. All I want to do is stick him in his stroller or pop him in the car, but in doing so I’m not letting him learn how to fall asleep on his own for naps, and I’m depriving him of restorative sleep. The quality of sleep a baby gets while in their bed is not the same as when they are in a moving car or a stroller with light and noise around them.

When I talk to other moms they mostly say the same thing: “naps are hard” and “it took my baby a long time to be a good napper”. I’ve been around plenty of moms but no one and I mean NO ONE mentioned this to me before. Did they not want to scare me? I long for the day Levi will have a predictable nap schedule and I’ll be able to get stuff done, coordinate actual plans, and not be so home bound. Apparently it can take several weeks before I get there. Sigh. New moms: consider yourself warned re naps. If you want to talk about it, I’ll be here for you, even if I barely know you because support from other moms is what you’ll need to get through some days with your sanity intact.

I am, however, pleased to report that since Levi has been about ten weeks, I have truly embraced breast feeding. Whereas at the beginning I felt bitter about it due to the lack of freedom and the long nights where I couldn’t catch a break — once Levi started to eat twice during the night I finally understood what other moms were raving about. During those middle of the night feeds where I was half asleep, I was grateful to just be able to lift up my shirt. I also started to really enjoy the intimacy of it. Since then I’ve been relishing every nursing session where I get to have my precious bundle nestled up against my chest.

Indeed, nursing sessions are now my favorite part of the day because of the snuggle time. I honestly didn’t think I would feel this way, yet here I am, and I’m so happy I didn’t give up. Around the six week mark I seriously contemplated switching to formula, but I’m glad I listened to my girlfriends and gave it some more time. For the record: I still dislike pumping and never do it since I’m never away from Levi for too long. I just make sure to have an emergency stash in my freezer at all times.

I think a big part of why I started to enjoy breastfeeding more and more also has to do with the fact my connection with Levi deepened as the weeks went by. Although I loved him from day one, I didn’t feel that overpowering sense of love until about the second month. I think after I emerged from the sleep deprived blur that was the first two months, I was able to fully take in the enormity of motherhood and I was overcome with gratitude and love. Cheesy, I know, but there you have it.

In other Levi news, he is starting to hold his head up and is able to stay on his stomach a lot longer. Soon he’ll be rolling over! He is so smiley and is “talking” more and more each day. As he becomes increasingly more social it becomes much more fun to interact with him. I can’t wait when he’s a few months older and we can start attending some mommy and baby classes together. Four months feels like a big turning point and I’m looking forward to watching him grow even though some days I wish he would stay this little for a bit longer.

Xoxo

Val