When you’re pregnant, everyone asks you how you’re feeling. People hold the door open for you and engage you in friendly banter. You’re showered with attention and it feels good. But then you give birth and — poof — just like that those same folks start caring less about you. A lot less. The baby is the focus of everyone’s attention, and rightfully so — babies need tons of attention. They’re fragile, new, and adorable. They also smell incredible. How can anyone, let alone a tired, rundown, and hormonal new mom compete with that?

But here’s the thing: please don’t forget about Mom. She needs you almost as much as the little baby. Her life has changed completely, and if she’s anything like me, chances are she sometimes feels anxious, lonely, and confused. She’s also tired. Really tired.

So next time you walk into her home, don’t go straight to the baby and ignore her, take the time to ask her how she’s doing and actually listen to her response. Before coming over, see if she needs anything. She will probably say no but she will appreciate the gesture a lot. And when you see a mom about town with a baby, hold the door open for her and give her a smile. You don’t know how many times she was up last night and every bit of kindness helps.

Be understanding if a new Mom declines an invitation for an outing and offer to work around her schedule just for the time being. Be patient with her. If you’re a friend or family member, reassure her it will all be okay and it gets easier. If you were once a new mom yourself, share some anecdotes of your own so she knows you’ve been in the same boat. She will appreciate your vulnerability.

Until you become a mom yourself, it’s hard to walk in a new mom’s shoes and that’s understandable. I think back to the many times I’ve entered my older sister’s home and went straight to play with her baby without so much as saying hello to her until much later. I simply couldn’t have imagined what she must’ve been feeling, and she acted like she had it all figured out so I never thought otherwise. Now I know better and I’m sharing what I’ve learned. Mother’s Day is in May, but everyday should be don’t forget about Mom day.

XOXO

Val