Have you watched the Netflix show Workin’ Moms? If you haven’t I suggest you do because it’s a fairly accurate, albeit sometimes exaggerated portrayal of the challenges faced by modern moms. Despite its title, the Canadian sitcom addresses issues affecting all moms, regardless of whether they work or stay at home.

I think it’s natural for working moms and SAHMs to envy one another occasionally; the grass is always greener on the other side. I also believe there are lots of misconceptions surrounding what it means to be either. What’s more, there’s plenty of grey area. For instance, there are moms who work part time; moms who work full-time but from home; SAHMs with zero hired help, and SAHMS with a lot or a little hired help. Whatever your circumstances, it’s impossible to fully comprehend what someone is going through unless you step into their shoes.

I only recently started to do some freelance writing again (my son Levi is 17 months), so I would classify myself as a SAHM for 85 percent of the time since I write from home. I have part-time hired help; mostly with cleaning but also with Levi when I need it. When my husband isn’t at work he’s helping with Levi and we have a lot of support from our family. I am very fortunate; however, I’ve had my share of difficulties, including postpartum anxiety and depression which I’ve been very open about. In an effort to shed a little light on my unique SAHM experience, I’m sharing some truths with y’all. Maybe you can relate.

1. I count down to bedtime. Not everyday, but often. Of course, once Levi’s asleep I miss him and I sit on the couch staring at photos of him.
2. I’ve pretty much given up on wearing nice clothes when I’m with Levi because 98% of the time my shirt is stained with food or dirt, or both. Usually both. I live in these $15 tees.
3. I FaceTime friends and family under the guise of showing them Levi, but really because I’m craving some adult conversation.
4. I still feel guilty when I take time for myself away from Levi. Most working moms don’t get to go to the gym at 10 a.m., and sometimes I feel I’m less than when I do. That’s when I keep reminding myself we’re all just doing the best we can, and taking care of ourselves is vital. Happy mom = happy baby.
5. Some Mommy and Me classes are boring, while others are actually kinda fun. Nevertheless, they’re my savior when it comes to keeping Levi entertained and getting us both out of the house and socializing.
6. Just recently we showed up to a birthday party on the wrong day. We went back the next day and Levi sat in pee. I didn’t have a change of clothes with me so he spent the duration of the party in a diaper. So, yeah, I don’t always have my shit together and I’m figuring it out as I go along.
7. I love my baby more than anything; but playing with him? It can get boring after a while. Just being honest.
8. Since Levi turned four months, I’ve only napped a handful of times even though I technically could. I don’t know any SAHMs who nap.
9. Speaking of naps — they’re holy. I really, really don’t like skipping them because they’re my time to get stuff done. Naps are when I write, cook, clean, organize, exercise, run errands (if someone’s watching Levi), and sometimes catch-up with friends/family.
10. Contrary to popular belief, children of SAHMs don’t only eat healthy and delicious homemade food. Levi eats a fair share of baby food pouches, puffs, and yogurt bites. I even — gasp — feed him frozen chicken tenders more often than I care to admit. Sometimes it’s because I’m busy, other times I’m lazy, or tired, or all of the above. I also use the microwave to warm up food. There, I said it.

As a SAHM, there are no bonuses or promotions for a job well done. A lot of the time I feel I’m just a snack carrying, wipe dispensing bodyguard/entertainer. I constantly wonder if I should be doing more to stimulate Levi and question whether I’m any good at this role. And yet somehow I believe I’m exactly where I should be. This arrangement is what works best for our family right now, and above all I’m grateful that deciding to be a SAHM was my choice to make. I realize a lot of mamas don’t get to choose and either have to work or stay at home, and I don’t take it for granted.

XOXO

Val