The day after your wedding people begin bombarding you with questions about when you’re going to have a baby. Then, almost immediately after you have said baby, those same folks start asking when you’re going to give him/her a sibling. Basically, people are nosy, or they’re just trying to make conversation. Either way, there’s no avoiding it, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been pondering the idea of baby number two since Levi was born. Well, you know, give or take a day or two.

Levi’s turning two next month, and for the record: I’m NOT pregnant. Nor are we trying. Yet. If you’ve been following my motherhood journey, you’re aware the first year of my son’s life was very tough for me. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression, as well as insomnia. I adored my baby but I wasn’t in a good place physically or mentally. Once I finally recognized what was going on, I sought treatment and started feeling like myself again. Consequently, year two has been all about enjoying the crazy roller coaster that is motherhood. I’m in a really good place, and the idea of dealing with pregnancy, child birth, and those long, sleepless newborn nights scares me. I’m nervous to rock the boat (bassinet?) so to speak.

What’s more, Levi is very much in the throes of the terrible two stage. He’s extremely sweet and loving, but as I mentioned in a previous post — somedays everything can feel like a battle. Just the other day I nearly lost it after attempting to get him to sit in his car seat for what felt like eight hours but was probably closer to 15 minutes. And this was after having to chase him around the house and finally wrestling him down just to put on his diaper (he later ripped it off under his shorts and we had to start the entire process all over again). How? How could I possibly have energy left over to give another human being when I find myself defeated after a day with a single toddler?

I honestly don’t know how moms of more than one child do it; just the simple logistics of it all blows my mind. And yet they do do it. Somehow. It takes a village, and fortunately I now have an amazing village around me. I have an amazing mom tribe and the best family support.

I’ve also given up on trying to play the martyr and attempt to do everything myself — I ask for and accept help, and I at least try (and sometimes succeed) in not feeling any guilt over it. With a newborn and a toddler, I may very well hire a night nurse next time around, as well as more help during the day. And guess what? That’s OK. As my psychiatrist says: asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. She also says while some moms can easily handle five children, others don’t feel comfortable being alone outside their home with more than one child and there’s aboslutly nothing wrong with that. Knowing your personal limits is liberating.

The best gift we can give Levi as parents is having a happy marriage, but the second best gift is that of a sibling. And while I don’t have a particular preference in terms of age difference between Levi and his future brother/sister —David really, really wants our kids to be close in age. He’s such an incredible father to Levi and because I love him and value his opinion, I’ve come on board with the idea. That being said, I’m hoping to get pregnant in 2020 (God willing if all goes according to plan, and let’s face it sometimes it doesn’t). In the meantime, I’ll be focusing on enjoying Levi (tantrums and all), devoting time to my writing and other projects, and slowly going off my medication. I’ll keep you all posted!

XOXO

Val