Miami

Words of wisdom from a 27-year-old

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Thinking of smart things to tell you

What a difference 365 days makes! Since my last birthday, I’ve managed to move from Manhattan to Miami, land a new job, make new friends and most importantly — get married. Needless to say, this year has been one amazing roller coaster, and at 27 I feel I have a much better understanding of the woman I want to be and about the things that matter most. I think it’s when we’re faced with changes and challenges that we’re able to really learn about ourselves. So without further adieu, here are some bits of wisdom I want to share with y’all:

1. Things have a funny way of working themselves out. When I think about the situations that have caused me the greatest amount of anxiety, I find myself amazed by how said situations have often resolved themselves. In fact, sometimes the end result wound up being even better than the best case scenario I had envisioned. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t be doing everything we can to effect our circumstances — we should — it’s just I think at a certain point we have to let the “higher powers” play their role too. Adopting this mentality helps me eliminate the stress, fear and anxiety associated with outcomes I can’t fully control, and there’s so much to be said for that. Continue reading →

Home sweet home? Pondering life in NYC versus Miami

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The famed Russ & Daughters now has a cafe. The latkes and lox are to die for.

If you recall, not too long ago I wrote a post declaring my unwavering love for New York City. At the time, I had been living in Miami for around six months, and I couldn’t wait to return to Manhattan for the summer. Yes, I missed the city.

During the two years I spent living in NYC, I thought the city could do no wrong. It was perfect. Smells? What smells? Overcrowded? Nah, it’s energetic! I was so happy to finally be immersed in the fashion industry and living in my dream city that I only saw the positives.

Come to think of it, I had exactly the right attitude, but unfortunately I didn’t bring that attitude along with me when I moved to Miami. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be there, but I spent my first month or so thinking about all the ways Miami wasn’t Manhattan rather than embracing its differences. While I adapted quickly to the idyllic “winter” climate and the beautiful beaches, I resisted having to drive everywhere and quickly became overwhelmed by the task of setting up a new apartment and routine.

Transitions and changes have always been challenging for me, and leaving a comfortable NYC lifestyle I had worked so hard to create was tough. At 26 years-old, I know myself well enough to understand I require routine in order to feel peaceful and happy.

In any case, it wasn’t long before I got myself on a schedule in Miami and grew to truly appreciate the luxuries of living down south. Funny how humans adapt to new situations, isn’t it? My regret is that I didn’t let myself enjoy the new chapter in my life from the get go and that I didn’t have the right mindset initially. You live you learn, right?

As I write this, it’s been a little over three weeks since my boyfriend and I have been living across from Bryant Park in Manhattan. And guess what? Yup, I miss Miami. During my first week, I couldn’t stop talking about all the ways New York City didn’t measure up to the Magic City. Now, for the first time in my life I actually get it when people say they wouldn’t want to live in the Big Apple, whereas before I just assumed there had to be something a little off about them.

What do you mean I have to walk in the sweltering heat with my groceries? Why are sweaty people bumping into me? Where’s my air conditioned car? My ocean view? Funny how humans repeat the same mistakes over and over again, isn’t it?

Well, maybe I’ve learned a little something because I was able to catch myself before I got too far down my path of comparisons and homesickness. This time it was also clear what I needed to do: I had to create a new NYC routine to help me enjoy all that this unique and wonderful city has to offer. 
So, slowly that’s what I’m attempting to do. Meanwhile, the experience of leaving Manhattan for Miami, only to return half a year later has taught me that nowhere I live is going to be 100 percent perfect. Some places might be better than others, sure, but if you have the right people around you and the will to succeed wherever you are — anywhere can feel like home.

xoxo

Val 

The case for leaning back: hey, it’s OK too

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Because girl power means supporting each other’s choices. 

A huge part of being a writer is reading. A lot. That said, whenever I come across material that resonates with me and which I’d like to add to, I can’t help but share it on my blog. Today’s post draws upon an article by, of all people, actress Zosia Mamet (aka Shoshana on HBO’s Girls).

In her Glamour magazine piece called “No, I Won’t Lean In, Thanks,” Mamet wonders whether our success obsessed culture is alienating women who don’t wish to “go for the f-king gold.” She poignantly writes, “you can’t just jog; you have to run a triathlon. Having a cup of coffee, reading the paper, and heading to work isn’t enough – that’s settling, that’s giving in, that’s letting them win.”

Mamet’s point is that women have to define success based on what makes them happy, minus the external pressures. The ultimate hope is that women will be supportive of each other’s choices rather than being judgmental of anyone they perceive to be so-called “settling.”

For instance, Mamet gives the example of how if she were to open a small coffee shop, it’s likely her female friends wouldn’t consider her a success if it didn’t go on to reach the scale of Magnolia Bakery. But what they might not realize is that she purposefully wants to keep it small so as to enjoy a quiet and simple life, and so she can be more hands on.

I remember at one point during journalism school I was interning at a prestigious fashion magazine and my dad told me that despite being at the bottom now, I would go on to be the next Anna Wintour. While I liked the encouragement, I felt a pang in my stomach as I wondered whether there was something wrong with me because I knew at 22 I absolutely didn’t want to be at the helm of a major publication.

Did I lack ambition? Did I not have sufficient confidence in my abilities? I weighed the possibilities, but the reality was I wanted the kind of journalism job where I would still have ample time for my family and myself. I wasn’t in a relationship at the time, but even then I knew that to be happy, my personal life would always have to come before my career.

That’s why when my boyfriend made a strong case for me to leave New York and move to Miami, I knew I had to at least give it a try. Soon after relocating, I found a great gig as a food writer for a popular local newspaper, but it ended when it turned out the company was unable to sponsor me for a work visa.

Right now, I’m unemployed as I wait to hear whether I’ll get a work visa as a technical writer at a company that sells chemicals. It’s by no means my dream job. Far from it. However, I took it because time was running out on my stay in the US, and because I’ve made the choice to put my personal relationship first. 

Though there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that it was the right decision given the circumstances, I was terribly anxious about what my friends would think when I told them about my on hold career plans. In a time of leaning in, I was leaning far back, and I feared how I’d be perceived.

Well, I now officially know I have the greatest friends in the world because they were nothing but supportive when I told them. I think on some level everyone understands that you can’t have it all, and more importantly: that happiness means different things to different people. To my dear friends: thank you, and to all the women out there: please support each other.

xoxo

Val