30 Weeks Pregnant during our weekend “babymoon” in Key Largo
We found out I was pregnant on March 15, the same day we began to quarantine. The pregnancy was planned (I don’t do unplanned), but the news was overwhelming to say the least. Having suffered from postpartum anxiety, mild depression, and insomnia during my first year of motherhood, I went into this pregnancy with a degree of uncertainty. I knew that given my experience, I would probably never think it was the right time to have another baby, but since we were sure we wanted two children — we went for it anyways. You know the saying, “people plan and God laughs?” Well, it certainly felt like that. Suddenly my fiery toddler was out of school; my husband was working from home, and I was pregnant and two weeks into studying to become a certified pediatric sleep consultant. It was a lot.
Almost immediately, my dear friend anxiety resurfaced, and, as is often the case — he brought insomnia along for the ride too. It was a rough first month of quarantine, but thankfully with the help of family and plenty of therapy, I was able to adjust (more or less) to this new normal. What made it easier was that Levi was happier than ever to be home and spending plenty of time with us — especially his grandma and auntie (they’ve been literal lifelines for me), and after a month of chaos, we found our groove and got into a new routine.
And just like that our little Levi is closer to two years old than to one. He’s the same happy and sweet boy, only more mischievous. His latest obsession involves trying to climb on top of everything, whether it’s a box, a table, or a drum. I don’t mind him climbing on a box or a toy, but I draw the line at tables and anything that’s potentially dangerous. He’s also bossier. The other night I was singing him a lullaby and he simply looked at me and said “No. Bye.” Guess I have a lifetime of no’s to look forward to.
The Terrible Ones
The “experts” say the best way to prevent the terrible twos is to prevent the terrible ones, and so that’s what we’ve been attempting to do. If Levi’s doing something he shouldn’t be, like pulling leaves off the plants or trying to climb on the barstools, we tell him no and calmly give him a warning. If he does it again, we silently place him in his crib for about one minute for a timeout (timeout duration should correspond to the child’s age). Then we take him out of the crib and resume business as usual. In his book, The New Basics, pediatrician Michel Cohen says toddlers don’t understand reason and lengthy explanations, but they do understand actions and that it’s the parents who decide the rules. The key is to keep your cool because yelling or getting frustrated provides the child with attention and that’s the last thing you want to give them when they’re misbehaving. This approach is straightforward and makes sense to me, so I’m going to stick to it for the time being.
Have you watched the Netflix show Workin’ Moms? If you haven’t I suggest you do because it’s a fairly accurate, albeit sometimes exaggerated portrayal of the challenges faced by modern moms. Despite its title, the Canadian sitcom addresses issues affecting all moms, regardless of whether they work or stay at home.
I think it’s natural for working moms and SAHMs to envy one another occasionally; the grass is always greener on the other side. I also believe there are lots of misconceptions surrounding what it means to be either. What’s more, there’s plenty of grey area. For instance, there are moms who work part time; moms who work full-time but from home; SAHMs with zero hired help, and SAHMS with a lot or a little hired help. Whatever your circumstances, it’s impossible to fully comprehend what someone is going through unless you step into their shoes.
The first 12 months of motherhood were tough for me and I’ve been very candid about it here. Thankfully, right around Levi’s first birthday I started feeling better after finally seeking help for my postpartum anxiety/depression. I’m in no part saying being a mom is easy at any point, but I’ve been having plenty of fun with Levi since he turned one and I’m pretty jazzed about it. A lot of it has to do with my mental health, but part of it is because Levi’s grown into this fascinating little person.
We have a walker
Levi’s always been a happy boy, but man was he happy once he started walking around 14 months. He’s beyond excited to explore his surroundings, and it’s been a real joy to watch. Seeing his entire face light up when he picks up a branch or a rock is nothing short of delightful. To clarify, watching him pick up rocks gets boring after about five minutes, but seeing his face light up never gets old.
Now that Levi’s walking we’ve been taking him to the park which is such a nice activity even though he mainly likes the swings and picking garbage up off the ground (baby steps). Of course, walking has come with its own set of challenges, i.e., he has to be watched ALL of the time. Literally, I’ll be talking with David for 30 seconds only to find Levi dipping his hands into the toilet bowl (warning: this post may contain graphic imagery). He typically gets angry when I try sticking him in the play pen to get something done, but we don’t have any other space in the house that’s entirely baby proof — even our playroom has a massive lamp in it (we decorated before having a baby). Since I don’t want to place him in front of the T.V. just yet (we’re trying to hold off till he’s about two years old), preparing dinner has been a challenge if David’s not home in time to watch him.
In my experience, being a mom isn’t really something you can prepare for. And while you can have all the advice in the world — you have to make your own mistakes too. I knew what not to do and yet I still did some of it. Why? Because it felt right at the time. Honestly, some of those early months are a bit of a blur. Hello, hormones and sleep deprivation. That said, I want to share some of the most important lessons I’ve learned over these last 15 months because maybe, just maybe, you’ll take some of my advice to heart. Or, or, you’ve been in the same boat and will feel comforted knowing at least one other person has been there too and gets it. So, without further ado…
Don’t be a hero. I believed if my job title was stay at home mom, well, I had to be really damn good at it. And for some inexplicable reason, that meant I had to do almost everything myself. I’m someone who craves control and can be a bit of a perfectionist, and so during Levi’s first year it was hard for me to trust others with his care. I also felt a strong need to prove myself as a mother, and as a result I didn’t hire enough help to begin with. What’s more, I turned down many offers for free (yes, free) help from willing family members.
This was wrong, SO wrong. The saying it takes a village to raise a child is just as true in our fast paced modern society as it was back when the term was coined (anyone know when that was)? We are not meant to do this alone. I repeat: we are not meant to do this alone, and we need all the support we can get. I actually felt guilty, that’s right— guilty leaving Levi with others in order to take some much needed time for myself. Well, playing the martyr eventually got old and led me to feel resentful and burnt out. I also think it’s one of the many reasons I ended up struggling with postpartum anxiety and, later, depression. So please don’t feel bad for getting help if you can afford it, and for the love of god don’t turn down free offers of help so you can practice self care (or at least accept most of them)!!! Others may not follow your baby’s routine as well as you’d like, but you deserve the break, and chances are your child will be just fine. This brings me to my second point…
It’s okay to break the rules sometimes. I love routine. A lot. I do better with structure, and I’m a firm believer kids benefit from rules and routine as well. That said, I’ll be the first to admit I became too obsessed with maintaining Levi’s sleep schedule during his first year. I mean I would literally stress out if he missed his nap or bedtime by more than ten minutes.
In addition to wanting Levi to get the rest he needed (and let’s be honest — I needed too), I desperately wanted to have a sense of control over both our schedules. My well intentioned desire to have him go to sleep on time and in his crib caused me to turn down many plans and outings. Unfortunately, my actions left me feeling more anxious and isolated than ever before and ultimately contributed to my PPD and anxiety.
Experience has taught me nothing bad will happen to either one of us if Levi goes to bed later once in a while. Even sleep experts will tell you well rested children can tolerate missed naps or later bedtimes every so often. In fact, it’s a normal part of life to make exceptions. But because of my postpartum anxiety, something so obvious just wasn’t clear to me at the time. Thank goodness I sought help. Not being afraid to break the rules here and there has made motherhood so much more enjoyable and I’m deeply grateful I was able to get there.
I’ve dealt with anxiety on and off my entire adult life. For the most part it’s manageable, but twice I’ve needed medication to get me through particularly challenging times. Unsurprisingly, my anxiety decided to rear its ugly head when I was faced with my biggest challenge to date: motherhood.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it started, but around the time Levi turned four months I became consumed with all things sleep related. I was exhausted and desperate to get him sleeping better. I read countless books and hired a sleep consultant, and yet one month into sleep training, Levi’s naps were still hit or miss, and some nights he would wake up crying at odd times. Instead of accepting it and recognizing that hey, he’s just a baby and this is normal, I did the opposite — I blamed myself and obsessed over every short nap and rough night. Did I put him to bed too late? Was his awake window too long? Everything was somehow my fault.
I began to feel anxious before every nap and bedtime but I figured many new moms dealt with this type of anxiety and it would pass. After all, I was generally happy the rest of the time and in love with my baby.
I knew something wasn’t quite right when Levi was seven months and I began losing sleep about our upcoming trip to Montreal and the baby free vacation to New York we had planned. By this point Levi was sleeping through the night and napping reasonably well, yet I remained anxious about everything. I couldn’t help it. My parents brought up the subject of medication, but I brushed it off because I didn’t want to take any drugs until I was done nursing. I also remained optimistic my anxiety would improve on its own as I settled into motherhood.
Nine months. Wow. It’s amazing what a difference one month makes in the life of a baby. One month ago Levi was going through a whiny and clingy phase. He would cry whenever I left the room, and was difficult to please. Now, at nine months, our little boy is happy as can be and no longer protests when I leave the room. I, in turn, am feeling happier and relaxed (as relaxed as someone with anxiety can ever be).
Speaking of anxiety, If you’ve been following this blog, you’re probably wondering what ever happened to the New York trip David and I had planned last month sans baby. Umm, well, it didn’t go quite as planned. Originally we were supposed to go away for five nights and leave Levi with my mom and dad in Montreal. Then a month before I asked David to cut the trip down to three, and then to two days because Levi wasn’t taking a bottle and was having separation anxiety. Those two things mixed together made me feel I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself while away, thus defeating the entire point of a vacation. To be honest with you, if we didn’t have a wedding to attend, I would’ve canceled the trip altogether.
All this to say, one week before we were scheduled to leave for New York, I changed my flight so I would be gone for only 24 hours (David left for New York a few days earlier for work). 24 hours!!! I know what you’re thinking, crazy right?! Even though deep down I knew Levi would be okay without a bottle and my parents would do an amazing job, I was still terribly stressed about leaving him. Friends and family were rolling their eyes and urging me to go for the full two days, but my gut was telling me otherwise and I listened to it. And you know what, I’m glad I did.
And just like that — Levi is eight months! Every month has had its unique joys and challenges. When Levi is happy, there’s truly nothing better. This month’s challenge, however, has been keeping this kid entertained. He’s quite the discerning child all of a sudden, and as parents we’ve had to up the ante considerably. Levi is also able to stay awake longer between sleep periods which has its pros and cons. The pro is we get to do more fun things together, the con is we have to find fun things to do together. The fact it’s summer in Miami and extremely hot doesn’t help, neither does the fact there are significantly fewer scheduled mommy and baby classes.
What makes him happiest these days is eating, which I can surely relate to, but I can’t exactly feed him all day. Somedays 20 minutes can feel like an hour and I find myself simulatenously bored and worn out. So, yeah, it’s been a bit of a tough month. Overall, Levi’s still a happy baby, but he’s definitely growling and whining more. It’s surprising to me because he’s sleeping through the night (YAAAS!) and his afternoon nap is finally better.
I’m sure it’s all just normal developmental stuff, but of course I can’t help but wonder if it’s something else. I know he’s teething and uncomfortable, so there’s that…I’ve also been considering the possibility that maybe he’s become a bit spoiled by all our attention. We do leave him to play by himself a bit everyday, but I’m starting to think he needs to be left alone even longer in order to learn how to amuse himself without our help. He’s great at doing it when I leave him with the babysitter, but lately, the second I’m back Levi becomes whiny and clingy.
Our baby is seven months! There are moments when I can’t believe how quickly time has passed, but then there are times I feel I’ve earned every single day. Being a mom is hard work, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying, doesn’t remember, or is doing a lot of outsourcing. Don’t get me wrong, Levi is the sweetest little boy, but he’s also now at an age where he’s able to express both his likes and dislikes, and believe me — when he doesn’t like something — he lets us know.
His current likes include: stroller rides, playing in his activity center, putting everything in his mouth, “walking” with daddy, his lovey, and eating. His dislikes include: his afternoon nap, drinking milk from a bottle, diaper changes, tummy time, and avocado.
One of the biggest changes since my last update is that Levi is eating solids and really loving it! I’m not quite sure why, but I was a bit intimidated by the whole thing. That said, with the help of my Ninja food processor and this super helpful online eating guide — feeding him has been a wonderful , albeit very messy experience for the both of us. I’m proud to say he’s a real gourmet just like his mama!
When you’re first starting out, pediatricians recommend introducing one new food at a time over a period of 3-4 days to test for allergies, but once a food passes the test then you’re free to mix ingredients. Levi has already tried and enjoyed pureed carrots, sweet potato, squash, zucchini, banana, pear, peas, plum, chicken and turkey. The only thing he doesn’t like so much is avocado. He’s eating about eight ounces a day, spread out over two meals. If you’re about to start your baby on solids, I highly recommend these genius suction plates, and these adorable bib/smocks.
As I’m writing this Levi is almost six months. He’s becoming increasingly more social which makes playtime much more fun for us as parents. Levi’s also started laughing and making these hilarious bird-like noises which we mimic back to him much to his delight. He’s losing interest in his swing and keeps trying to pull himself up from his playmate. However, he enjoys his activity center and is fascinated by the trees and the sky. I place him by the window and he just stares out into our backyard. Free entertainment folks.
A couple of weeks ago he started rolling onto his side which made for a bit of a rough week sleep-wise because he would roll over and either get scared or uncomfortable and start to cry. Thankfully it passed, and now we get a kick out of seeing him fall asleep in the most awkward positions (the things that entertain us these days, oye!).
It’s been over two months since I’ve pumped breast milk and given it to Levi in a bottle (I don’t like pumping very much), and I’m getting a little worried he’s going to reject the bottle. I know I have to get on this asap, but I seriously enjoy holding him close to me while nursing him, while also being too lazy to pump. That said, the older he gets the more comfortable I’ll be leaving him for extended periods of time and I’m definitely going to want him to take a bottle of breastmilk or formula when I do.
In about one week we’re going to start offering him pureed food which I’m both nervous and excited for. It’s going to mean more work for mom and a lot more cleaning, but I’m looking forward to getting him started on his culinary journey. Hopefully he’ll be an adventurous eater just like his mommy!
Val's Bits and Bites 