Okay, yes I’m super excited to welcome a baby into our lives, but guess what — I’m also scared and nervous. Our lives are about to change in a major way, and even though I’m 99.99 percent confident it will be for the better, I’m also human, and this human has her fears/worries. It also doesn’t help that I’m generally an anxious person with a fair share of OCD tendencies (perfect storm anyone?).

That being said, I have read personal accounts of peoples’ anxiety improving since  becoming parents because the experience helped them gain perspective they were previously lacking. After all, how can you worry about whether you picked the right curtains, or if your last review was poorly written when you have a tiny human life to protect??!! I certainly hope I fall into this category of folks. In my dreams I’m a zen mama, but so far I haven’t been a particularly zen mama-to-be so lets see how that goes. I like to aim high.

Interestingly enough, I’m not all that anxious about my health or the baby’s health (should I be?), I’m more panicked about whether our house will be completed by the time the baby arrives in November. Ever since returning to Miami from a three week vacation in Montreal with family and friends, I’ve been in this mad dash to get our house organized and decorated. Part of why I’ve been behaving this way is obvious: I want my house to look finished and beautiful and to have everything in its place since I won’t have much time to do anything with a newborn. But the main reason is it’s a means for me to feel in control before embarking on a lifelong journey of raising a human and having very little control over so many aspects of their life and my own.

This lack of control scares me the most about becoming a mom. My dad still can’t sleep if he knows one of his kids are currently on a plane — and we’re 29 and 39! Being a parent is basically being in a constant state of worry, and man is that a frightening thought for this anxious preggo lady. However, I know I don’t want to be an overprotective parent or a helicopter mom, and so I realize I’ll have to master the art of letting go — I just have to learn how. Stay tuned. In the meantime, I’ve decided to list a bunch of my fears in the hopes some of you will see you’re not alone. Also, writing out your fears is supposed to have a kind of cathartic effect. Some may seem less “legitimate” than others, but they’re all honest I assure you.

1. Even without child I’m not fully functional after a sleepless night, so how am I suddenly expected to take care of a tiny human on even less sleep? How?????
2. Will I leave the house with greasy hair and food stuck in my teeth and not realize it until it’s much too late? Will this become my new normal?
3. Will I be able to nurse successfully? And if it hurts, will I be able to withstand the pain and move past it?
4. Will I be able to figure out how to use a breast pump? What about a car seat? A high-tech stroller? The other day I was mystified by a flashlight, so….
5. Will I be able to politely decline well-meaning visitors on account of “I feel disgusting” or “I just want some space?”
6. Will my house ever look clean again?
7. Is this baby going to grow up to resent me?
8. Will we be friends later on in life?
9. The expenses, oh my all the added expenses…
10. Will I get my pre-pregnancy figure  back?
11. Will I ever want to have sex again?
12. God I hope I don’t become a snappy wife…
13. Will my husband and I be a good parenting team?
14. Will I still be a good friend, wife, daughter, aunt, etc.?
15. What will become of my writing career?
16. I’m a slow person, like really slow. It takes me forever to get myself ready and out the door. How will I get two humans out the door?
17. Will I be a cool mom or (gasp) just a regular mom?
18. Will my child have colic?
19. Will my child behave in restaurants?
20. Will I be any good at any of it, and will I be able to forgive myself when I’m not?

XOXO

Scared mama-to-be