Relationships

On Banishing Mom Guilt Once and for All

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LEVI14WEEKS
Levi at 14 weeks.

I had heard a lot about mom guilt before having Levi, but hearing about it and experiencing it are two very different things. Prior to his birth, I promised to give myself time to adjust to motherhood without putting pressure on myself to be a full-time mom and still do all the things I was doing before. I’m referring to things like preparing home cooked meals, freelance writing, blogging, going to the gym regularly, etc. While I have been kinder to myself than usual (yay me!) given my type A personality, I still often find myself feeling bad/guilty about not doing certain things.

During my many walks with Levi I’ve been listening to the audio book version of Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. I highly recommend this funny, fresh, and insightful look at parenting in France, however, the reason I’m mentioning it now is because there’s an entire chapter dedicated to doing away with the dreaded mom guilt. French mothers are vigilant about not giving into it. They accept the fact they can’t do it all and that the perfect mother simply doesn’t exist. Consequently, a giant weight is lifted off their shoulders and they can approach motherhood with a greater sense of ease. In this regard, I absolutely want to be more like these women. I realize feeling guilty virtually all the time is unhealthy, and that it’s not beneficial to me or my family. You’d be surprised by the seemingly trivial things I’ve felt bad about these last couple of months (I assure you this is all true), and so now my hope is that by writing it out I will be more likely to stop feeling guilty about certain things.  Here’s to a relatively guilt-free 2018!

I will no longer feel guilty about:

1. Not making the bed everyday.

2. Going a full week without “cooking” anything beyond tuna melts, eggs, and maybe pasta if I’m feeling fancy.

3. Not always having a fully stocked fridge because I don’t want to spend my limited free time at the grocery store and don’t want to pay the pricey delivery fees every week.

4. Missing a workout, or two, or three.

5. Declining dinner with friends because I want to be in bed by 9p.m.

6. Wearing yoga pants daily.

7. Trolling social media while nursing. I made a resolution not to go on social media or text while breastfeeding but that was before I realized just how often I would be breastfeeding and that it’s actually the best time to catch up on my reading. In fact, following other moms on Instagram has been especially comforting as a new mom.

8. Politely declining visitors.

9. Politely declining sexual advances (occasionally)!

10. Sometimes feeling bored while playing with my baby even though I love him truly, madly, deeply.

11. Missing a wax, or two, or three.

12. Not breastfeeding for the full year because I want to go on a mini vacation with my husband sans baby this summer.

13. Letting my baby cry it out as part of sleep training for nighttime and naps. I’m doing it because I know that by learning how to self soothe he will have better quality sleep which will only benefit him.

14. Saying no to plans because of nap training and sleep training. I’m committed to making sure Levi gets the rest he needs.

15. Not being a perfect mom because such a thing does NOT exist.

XOXO

Val

New Mom Challenge: Sleep Deprivation

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Levi at 11 weeks. This boy has stolen my heart… and my sleep. 

Never ask a mom of a newborn if her baby’s sleeping through the night as hearing this question will only remind her how tired she is. And for God’s sake please don’t tell a new mom she looks tired, even if your intention is to acknowledge her plight. The truth is I knew I would be tired the first few months of Levi’s life, I  just didn’t realize all the emotions and challenges that would arise from being in a constant state of sleeplessness.

The first month of Levi’s life he essentially ate every two hours and slept whenever he wasn’t nursing. The constant breastfeeding was tiring and took some getting used to, however, because he was sleeping so much and fell asleep so easily — it was easy for me to nap while he napped. This was crucial for me at this point and I was diligent about it. Of course, it must be said I had hired help cleaning the house a couple times a week and family members bringing us dinner and fetching our groceries. If not I definitely would’ve been more tired. Still, the combination of hormones and a lack of sleep during this first month definitely made me more prone to bouts of crying for seemingly no reason. I would snap at David only to burst into tears and apologize moments later. It wasn’t exactly fun.

Once Levi turned six weeks, a new challenge arose: it became harder to get him down for naps and for nighttime sleep. Suddenly I was way more tired than I had ever been in my life because not only was I  sleeping less overall, but I was exerting more energy trying to get him to sleep. This included endless walks around the neighborhood. Want to know how I lost the baby weight? I literally walked for hours everyday. What’s more, when he wouldn’t go down for hours at a time I would get stressed and anxious which only made it harder for me to fall asleep for naps and at night.

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Motherhood Monday: Levi’s Birth Story and Other Musings From a New Mom

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Levi Alden Lease’s second photo (the first is very bloody). 

Hiiiii,

I cannot believe my baby is six weeks old today! Time definitely flies when you’re busy with a newborn. For those of you who don’t know, our son, Levi Alden Lease was born on November 6 at 3:09 p.m, weighing six pounds and six ounces. I could’ve sworn we were having a girl but I’m so excited to be raising this delicious little man. He’s named for David’s maternal grandmother, Leatrice, and my paternal grandfather Leonid, while his middle name is in honor of David’s maternal grandfather, Albert.

Levi was born via an unplanned C-section because at the last moment the doctors saw he was breech. I pleaded with them to do a vaginal birth (I’ve heard some really bad C-section recovery stories) but they told me because I was 5cm dilated and had already received an epidural — there was no other option. FYI: once the contractions startedthey were so painful I begged for the epidural even though before I went into labour I thought maybe, just maybe I could do without it (I couldn’t).

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Do This With Your Partner Before Baby

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babypicEDIT
Headed to a wedding at #29weeks

Hola from Orlando. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and we’re  in Orlando with our family in an effort to hide from Hurricane Irma. I’m feeling grateful my due date is two months away and praying for the health and safety of my family and friends.

Week 29 marked a turning point in my pregnancy. My heartburn got more fierce, and I started to experience pain in my pelvic region. I described it to my husband as feeling like someone punched me in the crotch and left me all bruised up. TMI? Consequently, I listened to my body and stopped going to my beloved dance cardio classes because it’s too much jumping and too high intensity for me to handle right now. Last week even prenatal yoga felt like too much, however, this week I was able to handle a barre class and I’ve started swimming which I should’ve done a long time ago because it’s so wonderful while pregnant.

In other news, we attended a birthing/parenting class at our synagogue which included an hour long session entitled: from partners to parents. An amazing clinical social worker by the name of Amy Small talked to us about the inevitable transition we’d be experiencing and I thought one exercise was particularly helpful. She had the spouses sit across from one another and instructed us to take turns telling our significant other the things we expect from them as a parent. Each person got three minutes to speak (no interruptions allowed), and when they were finished the other person had to repeat everything back to them and ask if they’d missed anything.

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Musings From a Nervous Mama-To-Be

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Babybump24
And we’re off to a Dance Body Class. This is #24weeks

Okay, yes I’m super excited to welcome a baby into our lives, but guess what — I’m also scared and nervous. Our lives are about to change in a major way, and even though I’m 99.99 percent confident it will be for the better, I’m also human, and this human has her fears/worries. It also doesn’t help that I’m generally an anxious person with a fair share of OCD tendencies (perfect storm anyone?).

That being said, I have read personal accounts of peoples’ anxiety improving since  becoming parents because the experience helped them gain perspective they were previously lacking. After all, how can you worry about whether you picked the right curtains, or if your last review was poorly written when you have a tiny human life to protect??!! I certainly hope I fall into this category of folks. In my dreams I’m a zen mama, but so far I haven’t been a particularly zen mama-to-be so lets see how that goes. I like to aim high.

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Babies on the brain? Read this

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My nieces and nephew four years ago.

Happy New Year dear readers! As I’ve said before, my life is essentially an open “blog” because I find the act of sharing to be quite therapeutic. So here goes: I’ve got babies on the brain. Perhaps it’s because I’m surrounded by the most adorable little ones (thank you friends), or because my clock has started to tick (thank you mother nature), or because my husband is so freakin’ amazing around little kids that it fills my heart with glee (thank you husband).

It’s probably a combination of all the above, plus the fact I’ve always loved babies and have wanted to have children since before I even knew where they came from. You know those people that stop to ooh and aah at every puppy they come across? Well, that’s me except with babies. Once they hit five I start to lose interest (unless they’re related to me like my nieces and nephew, and obviously if they’re mine, or at least I hope so). All this to say that I’m praying 2017 will be the year I get pregnant. Holy sh*t — just writing this makes me extremely happy and terrified all at once. #overwhelmed. Continue reading →

I had a Second Wedding and it was the Best Decision

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Our celebrity moment walking into a room filled with our family and friends. Photo by Jeffrey de Belle photography.

There are so many reasons not to have a wedding. Weddings tend to bring up otherwise dormant family issues, and they’re ridiculously expensive, not to mention time consuming and stressful. So then why did I disregard all the naysayers, including my very own husband, and willingly choose to have a second wedding?

To understand my decision, allow me to explain the circumstances surrounding my first wedding. It was an eight-person affair that took place at sunset, on the beach in Miami, where we live. I wore a knee-length Elizabeth and James white dress sans shoes, while my fiancé sported khakis and a linen button-down. I carried a pretty bouquet and we said “I do” in front of a notary and our close relatives. It was magical and beautiful, but it wasn’t how I pictured my wedding day.

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