When you’re pregnant, everyone asks you how you’re feeling. People hold the door open for you and engage you in friendly banter. You’re showered with attention and it feels good. But then you give birth and — poof — just like that those same folks start caring less about you. A lot less. The baby is the focus of everyone’s attention, and rightfully so — babies need tons of attention. They’re fragile, new, and adorable. They also smell incredible. How can anyone, let alone a tired, rundown, and hormonal new mom compete with that?
But here’s the thing: please don’t forget about Mom. She needs you almost as much as the little baby. Her life has changed completely, and if she’s anything like me, chances are she sometimes feels anxious, lonely, and confused. She’s also tired. Really tired.
I had heard a lot about mom guilt before having Levi, but hearing about it and experiencing it are two very different things. Prior to his birth, I promised to give myself time to adjust to motherhood without putting pressure on myself to be a full-time mom and still do all the things I was doing before. I’m referring to things like preparing home cooked meals, freelance writing, blogging, going to the gym regularly, etc. While I have been kinder to myself than usual (yay me!) given my type A personality, I still often find myself feeling bad/guilty about not doing certain things.
During my many walks with Levi I’ve been listening to the audio book version of Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. I highly recommend this funny, fresh, and insightful look at parenting in France, however, the reason I’m mentioning it now is because there’s an entire chapter dedicated to doing away with the dreaded mom guilt. French mothers are vigilant about not giving into it. They accept the fact they can’t do it all and that the perfect mother simply doesn’t exist. Consequently, a giant weight is lifted off their shoulders and they can approach motherhood with a greater sense of ease. In this regard, I absolutely want to be more like these women. I realize feeling guilty virtually all the time is unhealthy, and that it’s not beneficial to me or my family. You’d be surprised by the seemingly trivial things I’ve felt bad about these last couple of months (I assure you this is all true), and so now my hope is that by writing it out I will be more likely to stop feeling guilty about certain things. Here’s to a relatively guilt-free 2018!
I will no longer feel guilty about:
1. Not making the bed everyday.
2. Going a full week without “cooking” anything beyond tuna melts, eggs, and maybe pasta if I’m feeling fancy.
3. Not always having a fully stocked fridge because I don’t want to spend my limited free time at the grocery store and don’t want to pay the pricey delivery fees every week.
4. Missing a workout, or two, or three.
5. Declining dinner with friends because I want to be in bed by 9p.m.
6. Wearing yoga pants daily.
7. Trolling social media while nursing. I made a resolution not to go on social media or text while breastfeeding but that was before I realized just how often I would be breastfeeding and that it’s actually the best time to catch up on my reading. In fact, following other moms on Instagram has been especially comforting as a new mom.
8. Politely declining visitors.
9. Politely declining sexual advances (occasionally)!
10. Sometimes feeling bored while playing with my baby even though I love him truly, madly, deeply.
11. Missing a wax, or two, or three.
12. Not breastfeeding for the full year because I want to go on a mini vacation with my husband sans baby this summer.
13. Letting my baby cry it out as part of sleep training for nighttime and naps. I’m doing it because I know that by learning how to self soothe he will have better quality sleep which will only benefit him.
14. Saying no to plans because of nap training and sleep training. I’m committed to making sure Levi gets the rest he needs.
15. Not being a perfect mom because such a thing does NOT exist.
Levi at 11 weeks. This boy has stolen my heart… and my sleep.
Never ask a mom of a newborn if her baby’s sleeping through the night as hearing this question will only remind her how tired she is. And for God’s sake please don’t tell a new mom she looks tired, even if your intention is to acknowledge her plight. The truth is I knew I would be tired the first few months of Levi’s life, I just didn’t realize all the emotions and challenges that would arise from being in a constant state of sleeplessness.
The first month of Levi’s life he essentially ate every two hours and slept whenever he wasn’t nursing. The constant breastfeeding was tiring and took some getting used to, however, because he was sleeping so much and fell asleep so easily — it was easy for me to nap while he napped. This was crucial for me at this point and I was diligent about it. Of course, it must be said I had hired help cleaning the house a couple times a week and family members bringing us dinner and fetching our groceries. If not I definitely would’ve been more tired. Still, the combination of hormones and a lack of sleep during this first month definitely made me more prone to bouts of crying for seemingly no reason. I would snap at David only to burst into tears and apologize moments later. It wasn’t exactly fun.
Once Levi turned six weeks, a new challenge arose: it became harder to get him down for naps and for nighttime sleep. Suddenly I was way more tired than I had ever been in my life because not only was I sleeping less overall, but I was exerting more energy trying to get him to sleep. This included endless walks around the neighborhood. Want to know how I lost the baby weight? I literally walked for hours everyday. What’s more, when he wouldn’t go down for hours at a time I would get stressed and anxious which only made it harder for me to fall asleep for naps and at night.
I knew that breastfeeding can be quite painful at first, and I had heard many stories about moms who had difficulties due to a poor latch or low milk supply. Fortunately, Levi latched on immediately and my supply was sufficient. Any pain I felt also went away after about the first week. What I’ve been finding tough about breastfeeding is how big of a commitment it is.
For the first month or so I felt I was nursing non-stop. While I loved having Levi snuggled up so close, feeding on demand was exhausting both during the day and especially at night. It also tied me down making it hard to leave him for more than an hour. The lactation consultants tell you to wait at least three weeks before introducing a bottle of expressed milk so it was only three weeks after his birth that I felt comfortable enough to leave his side to go for a quick dinner with David. That night it felt like I was re-discovering the world for the first time.
If you’ve been following my blog, you probably read about the big mistake I made with regards to nursing when I went too long without breastfeeding or pumping during the night. I thought I could pump in the morning and have David give Levi a bottle at night so I could get more consecutive hours of sleep. Turns out, when you’re not able to physically nurse your baby you have to pump around the same time so as not to diminish your milk supply. This was a tough pill to swallow for me; how was I to get any relief at night? Thats when it really sunk in just how big a commitment breast feeding can be.
Little Levi at 7 weeks in his Fisher Price Deluxe Bouncer
There are so many products out there geared towards babies and parents that as a first time mom it can be downright overwhelming to figure out what you actually need. I’m so happy I asked around and got opinions from as many moms as possible regarding what I should buy. That said, every mom and baby will differ and new products are constantly coming out making it hard to keep up. Below are ten items that have worked for our family and that I would highly recommend.
We were fortunate enough to be gifted the SNOO, i.e. the fancy pants smart sleeper bassinet that’s all the rage. While it’s brilliantly designed, we haven’t found Levi sleeps better in it than in the simple Dock-a-Tot ($175). The dock is essentially a super cozy baby lounger with no legs that babies can use to sleep virtually anywhere. We’ve been using it mostly in our bed but Levi has slept in it on the couch and even once on the dining room table during a family dinner. It’s very portable making it ideal for moving around the house or for travel. It was originally designed for co-sleeping and is especially great for moms recovering from a C-section who struggle to get in and out of bed initially.
These last two months Levi has been sleeping in our bedroom because I find it more convenient given his frequent night feedings and because he’s still so little I want to keep him close. However, now that he’s eight weeks I’m going to try to move him to his room so he can get used to sleeping in his crib. I would say get the dock in lieu of a bassinet to keep in your room if you like the idea of sharing a bed, or if you don’t, I suggest getting an inexpensive bassinet to keep in your room as well as the dock for its convenient portability.
Side note: the Dock-a-tot cover is annoying to wash so we just put a blanket over ours and wash that when/if it gets wet/dirty.
I’m breastfeeding, but since Levi turned three weeks he’s been taking one bottle of expressed milk per day. David usually gives it to him so I can get some rest. Or if I need to go out whoever is babysitting can give it to him too. The lactation consultants tell you to wait a couple weeks to offer the bottle so that breast feeding is well established. I was nervous as to how it would go but Levi liked the bottle right away. I’ve been using the pretty Comotomo bottles and their design makes it super easy to feed him. The wide shape of the bottle also makes them a breeze to clean which is another key element. For newborns start with the smaller, slow flow bottles.
Nowadays car seats can clip onto strollers for a complete “travel system”. This means if your baby falls asleep in the car seat (which they often do) you don’t have to take them out of the car seat and put them into a stroller — you just clip the car seat onto the stroller. That being said, you still need to have your stroller in the car with you for this to work. With the Doona, however, it’s a car seat and stroller all in one piece so you don’t even need to pack your stroller in your car! I’ve never put my stroller in my car with this and the only time I will is if I’m taking Levi on a long outing where I know he will be more comfortable in a bigger stroller, or if we’re going somewhere where he will be sleeping for a while in which case I’ll pack the bassinet stroller attachment so he can be flat on his back. The Doona is expensive at $499, but incredible convenience always comes at a price.
Babies love to be carried and held, but for those times when parents need to actually get stuff done (or just need a break) you need places to park your little one. Levi has daily chill sessions in his bouncy chair while I eat breakfast, apply makeup, read him a book, etc. It vibrates and plays music and the best part is I can move it all around the house depending on where I need to be. We also bought the Fisher Price cradle ‘n’ swing which is a great product and Levi has had some good naps in there when he wouldn’t sleep anywhere else. However, I’m not listing it in my top ten because it’s super bulky (read: unattractive) and can’t be moved easily thus making it less convenient than the chair. If you have the space and funds consider getting both (you can sell them later or use for subsequent babies) but if you’re just going to buy one I suggest the bouncer.
Newborns, especially boys pee through their diapers and clothes frequently meaning there are many diaper and outfit changes throughout the day. I love footed pajamas because socks are annoying and they’re the easiest to put on (no need to put anything over baby’s head). I especially like zippered footed pajamas because they’re even faster to put on than ones with snaps and make outfit changes less of a hassle — especially in the middle of the night when you’re half asleep. I stocked up on ones from Old Navy.
I decided to buy a smart changing pad from Hatch Baby because for about $100 more than a regular changing pad you get a product that doubles as a scale. As a first time mom who is breast feeding this helps reassure me the baby is gaining enough weight. For more superficial reasons, I like the sleek look of the Hatch Baby Grow and the fact you can easily clean it with a wipe rather than having to wash countless changing pad covers (anything to do less laundry!). Plus, the accompanying app is amazing and lets me time and keep track of Levi’s feedings, sleep duration, and even pumping sessions.
Babies spit up all the time so it’s wise to have many burp clothes scattered throughout the house. I put them on my shoulder to burp him and give them to anyone who wants to hold him. I also use them to pat his bum dry. I use the Gerber cloth diapers as burp clothes.
If you’re going to be pumping breast milk, a hands free pumping bra or tank top is bound to be your best friend. I pump from both breasts and with my free hands I can blog, shop online, or check my emails. I never would’ve thought my 15 minute daily pumping session would turn out to be one of the most productive parts of my day!
Did I mention that babies pee a lot? Yup, even through their clothes. I have a changing pad in Levi’s room but I bought disposable diaper pads to set up a changing station in our bedroom. I also always put one down in his stroller’s bassinet attachment because washing the bassinet’s mattress cover is a pain. It takes time and it has to air dry, however, when a diaper pad gets wet I can simply toss it. These are also practical to have in your diaper bag.
The Puj compact infant tub was created for traveling but I’ve been using it as our regular bathtub since Levi graduated from sponge bathing to real baths (after his circumcision and belly button healed). It fits perfectly in our under mount sink so we can bathe him without any uncomfortable kneeling. It has good grip and there’s a line that indicates how much you should fill it. The tub also has a convenient hole, so once we’re done I simply hang it to dry in our shower. It’s only good till they’re six months, after which I’ll be using the Boon Soak infant tub in our adult bathtub. I’ll definitely have to get a pad for my knees.
Levi Alden Lease’s second photo (the first is very bloody).
Hiiiii,
I cannot believe my baby is six weeks old today! Time definitely flies when you’re busy with a newborn. For those of you who don’t know, our son, Levi Alden Lease was born on November 6 at 3:09 p.m, weighing six pounds and six ounces. I could’ve sworn we were having a girl but I’m so excited to be raising this delicious little man. He’s named for David’s maternal grandmother, Leatrice, and my paternal grandfather Leonid, while his middle name is in honor of David’s maternal grandfather, Albert.
Levi was born via an unplanned C-section because at the last moment the doctors saw he was breech. I pleaded with them to do a vaginal birth (I’ve heard some really bad C-section recovery stories) but they told me because I was 5cm dilated and had already received an epidural — there was no other option. FYI: once the contractions startedthey were so painful I begged for the epidural even though before I went into labour I thought maybe, just maybe I could do without it (I couldn’t).
How adorable is my husband David and his younger sister Ariel?
I can’t believe that in about three weeks we will finally meet our baby! As you know we have decided not to find out the gender until the big day. People often ask me if this has been challenging, but it honestly hasn’t been.
I would’ve decorated the nursery the exact same way because I’m not a big fan of anything too girly and because I want the room to feel like an extension of the rest of our home. I also like to plan ahead, and, depending on when we have a second child (we definitely know we want to have at least two kids) there’s a big chance our second baby will be using most of the same furniture, or taking over the room entirely. And while some moms-to-be can’t wait to buy gender specific baby clothes, I for one love white and grey outfits on tiny tots and had no problem buying a few items now, and waiting to get the rest after baby’s arrival.
But decor and clothing aside, David and I couldn’t be more excited for the big gender reveal, and above all — to meet our (pray to god) healthy baby. That said, I do have some thoughts on having a boy versus having a girl. Since we may have two kids total, I think it would be an ideal scenerio to have one of each and then close up shop. However, I love having an older sister, and I think the bond shared between two siblings of the same sex is so special (provided they can push sibling rivalry aside). Conversely, my husband is a big brother who has always looked out for his younger sister, and so the thought of having a boy and then a girl melts my heart (I’m very emotional these days mind you). FYI: a boy first followed by a girl is his personal preference.
I always like to reflect on the year that passed and make resolutions for the year ahead around the time of the Jewish New Year. It’s usually celebrated in September or October and coincides with the start of the scholastic year. It just makes more sense to me to do it around this time rather than in late December/January.
Given I’m 35 weeks pregnant (holy sh*t!) pretty much most of my thoughts are centered around pregnancy, labor/delivery, and motherhood. I’m not sleeping much due to a combination of heartburn, muscle spasms, side pains, and having to pee every hour on the hour (oh how I love being pregnant!) so I’ve had even more time to ruminate. Lucky me. Needless to say, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what kind of woman I want to be as I prepare to add mother to my resume, and below are some of my new year’s “resolutions” if you will.
During baby’s first couple of months, I will NOT, I repeat, I will NOT put pressure on myself to get much done other than keeping baby alive and relatively happy.
I will not let my pride prevent me from asking for help if and when I need it.
Hola from Orlando. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and we’re in Orlando with our family in an effort to hide from Hurricane Irma. I’m feeling grateful my due date is two months away and praying for the health and safety of my family and friends.
Week 29 marked a turning point in my pregnancy. My heartburn got more fierce, and I started to experience pain in my pelvic region. I described it to my husband as feeling like someone punched me in the crotch and left me all bruised up. TMI? Consequently, I listened to my body and stopped going to my beloved dance cardio classes because it’s too much jumping and too high intensity for me to handle right now. Last week even prenatal yoga felt like too much, however, this week I was able to handle a barre class and I’ve started swimming which I should’ve done a long time ago because it’s so wonderful while pregnant.
In other news, we attended a birthing/parenting class at our synagogue which included an hour long session entitled: from partners to parents. An amazing clinical social worker by the name of Amy Small talked to us about the inevitable transition we’d be experiencing and I thought one exercise was particularly helpful. She had the spouses sit across from one another and instructed us to take turns telling our significant other the things we expect from them as a parent. Each person got three minutes to speak (no interruptions allowed), and when they were finished the other person had to repeat everything back to them and ask if they’d missed anything.
25 weeks and wearing an old blouse by Cooper & Ella and Maternity Jeans (link below) by Luxe, the in house brand from a Pea in the Pod.
I’m currently 26 weeks preggo and I’m not so pleased to report that everyday activities like getting out of bed, or bending over to put on my shoes are starting to be a bit of a nuisance. They’re not full blown problems by any means, but I can see them on the horizon. Oh the joys of being pregnant!
I finally feel like I’m carrying around a little load and I’m experiencing heartburn after virtually every meal. I’ve also had to purchase a special sciatica knee pillow to make sleeping on my side more comfortable and keep my knees from awkwardly banging against each other. I’m telling you, if my husband doesn’t bow down to me after I give birth to this child I don’t know what I’ll do. Just kidding. Sort of. Okay, not really. Mothers are GODDESSES and men just have to accept it. Got it guys?
Anyways, this is a post about maternity fashion which I must say I’ve realized is a whole other beast. There are SO many products out there it can get overwhelming trying to differentiate between what you actually need and what products just have really good marketing. I feel the same way about baby/kids products (more on this in another post). My goal throughout this pregnancy is to look and feel my best without spending a lot of money on clothes I’ll only be wearing for a few months (even taking into account a second pregnancy).
Val's Bits and Bites 