Marriage

Motherhood Update: Levi at 16 Months

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Levi at 16 months

The first 12 months of motherhood were tough for me and I’ve been very candid about it here. Thankfully, right around Levi’s first birthday I started feeling better after finally seeking help for my postpartum anxiety/depression. I’m in no part saying being a mom is easy at any point, but I’ve been having plenty of fun with Levi since he turned one and I’m pretty jazzed about it. A lot of it has to do with my mental health, but part of it is because Levi’s grown into this fascinating little person.

We have a walker

Levi’s always been a happy boy, but man was he happy once he started walking around 14 months. He’s beyond excited to explore his surroundings, and it’s been a real joy to watch. Seeing his entire face light up when he picks up a branch or a rock is nothing short of delightful. To clarify, watching him pick up rocks gets boring after about five minutes, but seeing his face light up never gets old.

Now that Levi’s walking we’ve been taking him to the park which is such a nice activity even though he mainly likes the swings and picking garbage up off the ground (baby steps). Of course, walking has come with its own set of challenges, i.e., he has to be watched ALL of the time. Literally, I’ll be talking with David for 30 seconds only to find Levi dipping his hands into the toilet bowl (warning: this post may contain graphic imagery). He typically gets angry when I try sticking him in the play pen to get something done, but we don’t have any other space in the house that’s entirely baby proof — even our playroom has a massive lamp in it (we decorated before having a baby). Since I don’t want to place him in front of the T.V. just yet (we’re trying to hold off till he’s about two years old), preparing dinner has been a challenge if David’s not home in time to watch him.

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Motherhood Update: Levi at Nine Months

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Levi at nine months 

Nine months. Wow. It’s amazing what a difference one month makes in the life of a baby. One month ago Levi was going through a whiny and clingy phase. He would cry whenever I left the room, and was difficult to please. Now, at nine months, our little boy is happy as can be and no longer protests when I leave the room. I, in turn, am feeling happier and relaxed (as relaxed as someone with anxiety can ever be).

Speaking of anxiety, If you’ve been following this blog, you’re probably wondering what ever happened to the New York trip David and I had planned last month sans baby. Umm, well, it didn’t go quite as planned. Originally we were supposed to go away for five nights and leave Levi with my mom and dad in Montreal. Then a month before I asked David to cut the trip down to three, and then to two days because Levi wasn’t taking a bottle and was having separation anxiety. Those two things mixed together made me feel I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself while away, thus defeating the entire point of a vacation. To be honest with you, if we didn’t have a wedding to attend, I would’ve canceled the trip altogether.

All this to say, one week before we were scheduled to leave for New York, I changed my flight so I would be gone for only 24 hours (David left for New York a few days earlier for work). 24 hours!!! I know what you’re thinking, crazy right?! Even though deep down I knew Levi would be okay without a bottle and my parents would do an amazing job, I was still terribly stressed about leaving him. Friends and family were rolling their eyes and urging me to go for the full two days, but my gut was telling me otherwise and I listened to it. And you know what, I’m glad I did.

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Motherhood Update: Levi at Six Months

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Levi at 22 weeks in his activity center.

As I’m writing this Levi is almost six months. He’s becoming increasingly more social which makes playtime much more fun for us as parents. Levi’s also started laughing and making these hilarious bird-like noises which we mimic back to him much to his delight. He’s losing interest in his swing and keeps trying to pull himself up from his playmate. However, he enjoys his activity center and is fascinated by the trees and the sky. I place him by the window and he just stares out into our backyard. Free entertainment folks.

A couple of weeks ago he started rolling onto his side which made for a bit of a rough week sleep-wise because he would roll over and either get scared or uncomfortable and start to cry. Thankfully it passed, and now we get a kick out of seeing him fall asleep in the most awkward positions (the things that entertain us these days, oye!).

It’s been over two months since I’ve pumped breast milk and given it to Levi in a bottle (I don’t like pumping very much), and I’m getting a little worried he’s going to reject the bottle. I know I have to get on this asap, but I seriously enjoy holding him close to me while nursing him, while also being too lazy to pump. That said, the older he gets the more comfortable I’ll be leaving him for extended periods of time and I’m definitely going to want him to take a bottle of breastmilk or formula when I do.

In about one week we’re going to start offering him pureed food which I’m both nervous and excited for. It’s going to mean more work for mom and a lot more cleaning, but I’m looking forward to getting him started on his culinary journey. Hopefully he’ll be an adventurous eater just like his mommy!

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On Banishing Mom Guilt Once and for All

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Levi at 14 weeks.

I had heard a lot about mom guilt before having Levi, but hearing about it and experiencing it are two very different things. Prior to his birth, I promised to give myself time to adjust to motherhood without putting pressure on myself to be a full-time mom and still do all the things I was doing before. I’m referring to things like preparing home cooked meals, freelance writing, blogging, going to the gym regularly, etc. While I have been kinder to myself than usual (yay me!) given my type A personality, I still often find myself feeling bad/guilty about not doing certain things.

During my many walks with Levi I’ve been listening to the audio book version of Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman. I highly recommend this funny, fresh, and insightful look at parenting in France, however, the reason I’m mentioning it now is because there’s an entire chapter dedicated to doing away with the dreaded mom guilt. French mothers are vigilant about not giving into it. They accept the fact they can’t do it all and that the perfect mother simply doesn’t exist. Consequently, a giant weight is lifted off their shoulders and they can approach motherhood with a greater sense of ease. In this regard, I absolutely want to be more like these women. I realize feeling guilty virtually all the time is unhealthy, and that it’s not beneficial to me or my family. You’d be surprised by the seemingly trivial things I’ve felt bad about these last couple of months (I assure you this is all true), and so now my hope is that by writing it out I will be more likely to stop feeling guilty about certain things.  Here’s to a relatively guilt-free 2018!

I will no longer feel guilty about:

1. Not making the bed everyday.

2. Going a full week without “cooking” anything beyond tuna melts, eggs, and maybe pasta if I’m feeling fancy.

3. Not always having a fully stocked fridge because I don’t want to spend my limited free time at the grocery store and don’t want to pay the pricey delivery fees every week.

4. Missing a workout, or two, or three.

5. Declining dinner with friends because I want to be in bed by 9p.m.

6. Wearing yoga pants daily.

7. Trolling social media while nursing. I made a resolution not to go on social media or text while breastfeeding but that was before I realized just how often I would be breastfeeding and that it’s actually the best time to catch up on my reading. In fact, following other moms on Instagram has been especially comforting as a new mom.

8. Politely declining visitors.

9. Politely declining sexual advances (occasionally)!

10. Sometimes feeling bored while playing with my baby even though I love him truly, madly, deeply.

11. Missing a wax, or two, or three.

12. Not breastfeeding for the full year because I want to go on a mini vacation with my husband sans baby this summer.

13. Letting my baby cry it out as part of sleep training for nighttime and naps. I’m doing it because I know that by learning how to self soothe he will have better quality sleep which will only benefit him.

14. Saying no to plans because of nap training and sleep training. I’m committed to making sure Levi gets the rest he needs.

15. Not being a perfect mom because such a thing does NOT exist.

XOXO

Val

New Mom Challenge: Sleep Deprivation

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Levi at 11 weeks. This boy has stolen my heart… and my sleep. 

Never ask a mom of a newborn if her baby’s sleeping through the night as hearing this question will only remind her how tired she is. And for God’s sake please don’t tell a new mom she looks tired, even if your intention is to acknowledge her plight. The truth is I knew I would be tired the first few months of Levi’s life, I  just didn’t realize all the emotions and challenges that would arise from being in a constant state of sleeplessness.

The first month of Levi’s life he essentially ate every two hours and slept whenever he wasn’t nursing. The constant breastfeeding was tiring and took some getting used to, however, because he was sleeping so much and fell asleep so easily — it was easy for me to nap while he napped. This was crucial for me at this point and I was diligent about it. Of course, it must be said I had hired help cleaning the house a couple times a week and family members bringing us dinner and fetching our groceries. If not I definitely would’ve been more tired. Still, the combination of hormones and a lack of sleep during this first month definitely made me more prone to bouts of crying for seemingly no reason. I would snap at David only to burst into tears and apologize moments later. It wasn’t exactly fun.

Once Levi turned six weeks, a new challenge arose: it became harder to get him down for naps and for nighttime sleep. Suddenly I was way more tired than I had ever been in my life because not only was I  sleeping less overall, but I was exerting more energy trying to get him to sleep. This included endless walks around the neighborhood. Want to know how I lost the baby weight? I literally walked for hours everyday. What’s more, when he wouldn’t go down for hours at a time I would get stressed and anxious which only made it harder for me to fall asleep for naps and at night.

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Boy or Girl? Some Thoughts on Gender

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How adorable is my husband David and his younger sister Ariel? 

I can’t believe that in about three weeks we will finally meet our baby! As you know we have decided not to find out the gender until the big day. People often ask me if this has been challenging, but it honestly hasn’t been.

I would’ve decorated the nursery the exact same way because I’m not a big fan of anything too girly and because I want the room to feel like an extension of the rest of our home. I also like to plan ahead, and, depending on when we have a second child (we definitely know we want to have at least two kids) there’s a big chance our second baby will be using most of the same furniture, or taking over the room entirely. And while some moms-to-be can’t wait to buy gender specific baby clothes, I for one love white and grey outfits on tiny tots and had no problem buying a few items now, and waiting to get the rest after baby’s arrival.

But decor and clothing aside, David and I couldn’t be more excited for the big gender reveal, and above all — to meet our (pray to god) healthy baby. That said, I do have some thoughts on having a boy versus having a girl. Since we may have two kids total, I think it would be an ideal scenerio to have one of each and then close up shop. However, I love having an older sister, and I think the bond shared between two siblings of the same sex is so special (provided they can push sibling rivalry aside). Conversely, my husband is a big brother who has always looked out for his younger sister, and so the thought of having a boy and then a girl melts my heart (I’m very emotional these days mind you). FYI: a boy first followed by a girl is his personal preference.

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Motherhood Resolutions

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This is #35weeks

Hi!

I always like to reflect on the year that passed and make resolutions for the year ahead around the time of the Jewish New Year. It’s usually celebrated in September or October and coincides with the start of the scholastic year. It just makes  more sense to me to do it around this time rather than in late December/January.

Given I’m 35 weeks pregnant (holy sh*t!) pretty much most of my thoughts are centered around pregnancy, labor/delivery, and motherhood. I’m not sleeping much  due to a combination of heartburn, muscle spasms, side pains, and having to pee every hour on the hour (oh how I love being pregnant!) so I’ve had even more time to ruminate. Lucky me. Needless to say, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what kind of woman I want to be as I prepare to add mother to my resume, and below are some of my new year’s “resolutions” if you will.

  1. During baby’s first couple of months, I will NOT, I repeat, I will NOT put pressure on myself to get much done other than keeping baby alive and relatively happy.
  2. I will not let my pride prevent me from asking for help if and when I need it.
  3. I will not Text/Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat while nursing (at least until I get the hang of it and even then only on rare occasions).
  4. I will not post more than one Instagram story per day of me cooing at my adorable baby.

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Do This With Your Partner Before Baby

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babypicEDIT
Headed to a wedding at #29weeks

Hola from Orlando. I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant and we’re  in Orlando with our family in an effort to hide from Hurricane Irma. I’m feeling grateful my due date is two months away and praying for the health and safety of my family and friends.

Week 29 marked a turning point in my pregnancy. My heartburn got more fierce, and I started to experience pain in my pelvic region. I described it to my husband as feeling like someone punched me in the crotch and left me all bruised up. TMI? Consequently, I listened to my body and stopped going to my beloved dance cardio classes because it’s too much jumping and too high intensity for me to handle right now. Last week even prenatal yoga felt like too much, however, this week I was able to handle a barre class and I’ve started swimming which I should’ve done a long time ago because it’s so wonderful while pregnant.

In other news, we attended a birthing/parenting class at our synagogue which included an hour long session entitled: from partners to parents. An amazing clinical social worker by the name of Amy Small talked to us about the inevitable transition we’d be experiencing and I thought one exercise was particularly helpful. She had the spouses sit across from one another and instructed us to take turns telling our significant other the things we expect from them as a parent. Each person got three minutes to speak (no interruptions allowed), and when they were finished the other person had to repeat everything back to them and ask if they’d missed anything.

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We Bought a House

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Our new home

Yup, we bought a house! Holy sh*t is right. Even though we closed about three weeks ago, the fact we’re actually homeowners only started to feel real when we went for an inaugural swim in our pool this past weekend.

David and I are so excited, especially because we’re moving into the neighborhood he grew up in and has wanted to own a home in since he went off to college. It’s a safe place where neighbors act neighborly and kids play in the streets, or drive golf carts if they’re lazy.

I’ve loved our house since I first stepped into it during an open house over a year ago. You can’t always explain why you like something, but I could just imagine us and our future children living happily there. It’s full of natural light and you can see the serene pool from almost every room. The house is one story and it’s so very Miami which I find quite  amusing being from the great North and all. The architecture definitely has a modern element to it, and we want the interior to reflect that. I like modern design, however,  I also see our home having some classic elements mixed in, and it absolutely has to feel inviting and cozy, and not austere. David and I are thinking blues, grays and whites, with lots of natural wood pieces to warm up the space.

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Babies on the brain? Read this

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My nieces and nephew four years ago.

Happy New Year dear readers! As I’ve said before, my life is essentially an open “blog” because I find the act of sharing to be quite therapeutic. So here goes: I’ve got babies on the brain. Perhaps it’s because I’m surrounded by the most adorable little ones (thank you friends), or because my clock has started to tick (thank you mother nature), or because my husband is so freakin’ amazing around little kids that it fills my heart with glee (thank you husband).

It’s probably a combination of all the above, plus the fact I’ve always loved babies and have wanted to have children since before I even knew where they came from. You know those people that stop to ooh and aah at every puppy they come across? Well, that’s me except with babies. Once they hit five I start to lose interest (unless they’re related to me like my nieces and nephew, and obviously if they’re mine, or at least I hope so). All this to say that I’m praying 2017 will be the year I get pregnant. Holy sh*t — just writing this makes me extremely happy and terrified all at once. #overwhelmed. Continue reading →